Everyone loves a list. So here’s a few pearls of wisdom I’ve learnt since getting cancer, that I wish I’d known beforehand.

1. One shall have blue-dyed nipples for two months (and counting) after breast surgery. (Brings a whole new meaning to the name ‘blue tit’ – credit to the Gap Girls for this most appropriate of birthday cards!)

2. One shall lose not only one’s flowing locks, but also one’s entire mass of body hair. (On this front, I can happily say that my armpit hair seems to have stopped growing, but the trademark Pricey caterpillar brows are still holding on strong! No comments on the rest…).

3. One’s hair may grow back rather different – so I may return curly, grey or ginger in 2013!

4. One is more likely to get a little chubby than go all skeletal. This is due to a combination of the medically endorsed license to eat whatever you want, sleep as much as possible and do as little activity as possible, and the effects of drugs such as steroids. Fortunately, I have good metabolism…

Which brings me to the final point…

5. With chemotherapy comes constipation. Without wanting to go into too much detail, let’s just say one shall need to be in possession of a darn good book!